Thursday, January 9, 2014

God Hates Divorce

"God HATES divorce."

I've often tried to pin down and articulate what bothers me so terribly when people speak these words to me.

It evokes feelings of despair, shame, a bit of hopelessness, and anger. The anger smolders beneath the other emotions, and sometimes takes a while to bubble up, but it's there.

The possible conclusions I've come to are...

"This person doesn't know my story."

"Who are they to judge me??"

"Well, now, does God hate me too?"

"Maybe it just bothers me because it is true."

I mean, that last one is the most reasonable. It IS true. God does hate divorce. Of course He does. It is the severing of something that was supposed to remain permanently joined. I get that. I hate divorce. Hence my confusion at my internal recoiling.

The whole Duck Dynasty media frenzy clarified things for me. (Really, Shari?? Of all the things to bring clarity to a deep-seated pondering......) 

Well, but it did. See, I find I hate people using God's words as, well, weapons. Intentionally or unintentionally. I mean, God can hate the things we do while still loving us.

.....WE however, you and I, we're not so good at that. At least I'm not.

You know the old, "love the sinner, hate the sin" thing?

I feel like that comes out looking a lot like straight up hating both, just in a tidy package that somehow seems more acceptable.

It isn't though- it's worse.

It's like that relative that says mean things in a nice tone of voice. It insults and degrades you without giving you the opportunity to respond, because it's posed as niceness.

I'm not sure I have the desire to pick and choose the parts of God's word I want to skewer other people with. Mostly because I'm quite certain that there are equally parts of God's word that I (ignore, fail to follow, struggle with, ignore, well.... you get the point).

Now, before you start hollering at me about how we need to speak the truth in love to people, let me get ahead of that- I'm all for that. I have friends in my life that fill that role. For whom I fill that role.

....they love me. And I love them. So when I tell them the truth, even if it's hard, or (more often) when they tell me the truth, I can hear them, take it in, and digest it. Process whether or not I need to make changes.

Mostly because I know I don't need to be defensive, because people who tell me the truth in love are going to love me and accept me even if I don't agree with them. Or if I ignore their advice. Or if I fail.

I think it is because they, my friends, are so good at loving me. Accepting me unconditionally and offering me loads of grace.

 God is good at that.

Somehow, I know that HE hates divorce, but loves me.

That's good stuff.

I am unspeakably grateful.


  1. "I'm not sure I have the desire to pick and choose the parts of God's word I want to skewer other people with."

    Good stuff. :)

  2. Amen.,... thank you for putting into words what so many of us that have gone through divorce feel.... <3

  3. Shari, thanks for sharing your thoughts so beautifully. I've been there too, and identify with your feelings. Someone once told me, 'God hates divorce, but He loves divorcees.'